Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Granbarg Barhah

A zombie bedtime story, complete with a happy ending and a translation for those poor souls who can't speak Zamgrh:

Rh!zzan ahn mah, mah zambah brazzahz an zazzahz.
Ah ganna gab ahn grazz zah baag ab zah nabah zambah Granbarg:
Rang agah, zah zabarb ab Ragrabang az m!rhazzan ahn habbah.
Granbarg az an babah zambah, ab zan zgahhz.
Abar ham az an habbah zambah, grh an nabah anmrh.
An nah harrarh ztrag zah zabarb. Mannah zambahz zahz,
--Zah bang bang men ahnran! Zah bag men ahnran!--
Granbarg habganna ran grh zah agharz, abar ham nah haz Rargang Ga!t.
Ham habganna ragah ahn zah barnz, abar zam haz barragazh.
Harazz, Granbarg zaanagh raah zah anabazhabah.
Zahn arang ahnran zah Ragrabang baba.
--Gham ahp, mah brazzah,-- zahz zah baba,
--Gaz az rang az naz gan zzhan, naz gan barg!--
--Abar zam az zah mannah,-- gab Granbarg, --an zam haz ganz! Haah gan naz rangarah?--
--Barhah, mah zambah brazzah,-- gab zah baba, --Barhah.--
An Granbarg z zah zah baba az ragh.
Ham z zah ham az aahgnabarh.
Ham z zah zah harmanz haz magh marh.
Abar ham haz zamzang zah nah harman haz – aar zambahz haz.
Mah zambah brazzahz an zazzahz, naz arr haz Barhah.
Zah harmanz nah haz an ghanz.

An nah zah harman tranzlati!an:

Listen to me, my zombie brothers and sisters.
I’m going to tell you the story of the good zombie Granbarg:
Long ago, the suburb of Ridleybank was peaceful and happy.
Granbarg was a low-level (baby) zombie of three skills.
But he was a happy zombie, with a good unlife.
Yet now horror struck the suburb. Many zombies said,
“The gunmen are coming! The bagmen are coming!”
Granbarg wanted to run with the others, but he did not have Lurching Gait.
He wanted to hide in the buildings, but they had barricades.
Hapless, Granbarg waited for the inevitable.
But along came the Ridleybank papa.
“Get up, my brother,” said the papa,
“for as long as we can stand, we can eat!”
“But they are so many,” said Granbarg, “and they have guns! How can we win?”
“Barhah, my zombie brother,” said the papa, “Barhah.”
And Granbarg saw that the papa was right.
He saw that he was outnumbered.
He saw that the humans have much more.
But he had something that the no human has – all zombies do.
My zombie brothers and sisters, we all have Barhah.
The humans don’t have a chance.

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