Card of the Day - Holy Purge

I hate creatures so much.

Ever wonder what this card would look like with Magic 2010 wording? Wonder no more!

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Card of the Day - Wasteland Wyvern

I hate creatures so much.

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A Simple Guy

What do I do?

How about I beat your head in, give you a demonstration, huh? You're lucky I'm feelin' merciful or you'd just be a red smear on the wall. And if the town guard think they can catch me then they don't know me any better than you do. See, I run. That's it. To hear some of these other fellas go on you'd think you'd need fifteen suits of armor and a lifetime sitting in a tower with your nose stuck up a book's ass to get anything done. B.S. All you really need is your own two feet and a good pole to smack some sense into the world. Simple.
But that's just it. I'm a simple guy. I know what I want and I go for it. And boy do I go. Zoom! Hah! You couldn't catch me with an arrow. And any idiot gets in my way, I put the hurt on them. Hit 'em 'till they stop moving. Never let them catch up.

There are hundreds of reasons why D&D 3.0 is better than 3.5
There are thousands of reasons why it's better than 4th edition
At least 90% of these reasons involve the Boots of Striding and Springing. Less expensive than the cheapest magic weapon, these boots are (without a doubt) the goddamn best magic item ever. Why? They double your speed. If this fails to wow you, then you need to read up on the three fundamental laws of Dungeons and Dragons:

1) Wisdom is worthless.
2) Chaotic Good is a wussy alignment.
3) Formians always win in the end.
4) Speed is more important than anything else.

EDIT: The three fundamental laws are actually four in number. This is one of the great mysteries of life.

Knowing these laws, it's no wonder I never make a character without the Boots. But Sneer, one of my more recent characters, has put this footwear to greater use than I would have thought possible. Sneer is an acrobat (a base class from City Works, a D&D supplement I heartily reccomend for DMs for although it uses 3rd edition rules the content about city construction is edition neutral so it will work just as well for you 4th-ed types). Sneer's acrobat-hood means that... Well, I don't need to tell you. After all, you just heard from him!

See, I run.

And boy does he. Acrobats make all other (i.e. slower i.e. worse) classes obsolete.

If Sneer sounded a bit like the Scout from TF2, it's 'cause they're very similar. Looking back over that passage at the top of this article, I keep expecting to see a "bonk" or two. Sneer's actually become slightly less of an asshole and more of an erratic coward over time, partially because I want to distance him from any Scouty influences. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm probably going to retire (or kill off) Sneer soon in favor of one of my many other character ideas. You know, the obsolete ones.

And oddly enough, despite his immense speed, the Scout is my third least-played class (out of nine). Go figure.

Card of the Day - Alchemist's Charm

There used to be a whole lot more poison in my set than there is now. I cut a great deal of it.

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Land Friday

Is it Friday already?



The art on this one is quite lovely. It is my current desktop background.

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Best Military Quote Ever

"We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area."

WHAT

Card of the Day - Arctic Kraken

Krakens and Leviathans are, without a doubt, the best creatures in Magic. This card is a tribute to those majestic behemoths. But it seems somehow inadequate.

Hmm...

Ahah!



Much better. This bad boy really gets across what it means to be a kraken.

Or does he?



There we go. All that text was distracting and the whole "creature" aspect was just confusing and negative. It had to go. And I bumped it up to Mythic Rare to represent that Krakens are mythic creatures of the deep. Now Essence of Kraken really ensures that you play the Kraken way.

But something still doesn't seem right...



Bingo. Can't have a Kraken that isn't a Kraken. That would just be stupid.

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